Your Name

My heart which murmurs of profound grief. And bends over backwards to conform to this new position. Everyone tells me I'm better than this. Too good. Too kind. To warm and unique. And why can I still smile and help the next person. And I always give love willingly and mercy when it's undeserved. They tell us we don't know what we want. The things we want we'll never be able to obtain and the things we finally get we'll no longer want. Is that you? Thing that I wanted so much you claimed my dreams. Thing so wanted you became unobtainable? Thing that I may have discarded carelessly had I ever had a chance to own you? No.....couldn't possibly be. I needed you right here. Right in this very spot. Now the spot is a gaping hole, there it sucks in my vision and bleeds and breathes your name.
My heart which whispers of total decomposure. And was ripe for picking, now raw from misuse. Everyone says it's not my fault. Says I do have something to offer. I'm intelligent. Beautiful inside and out. Tenacious. And always willing to put forth the most effort. They tell us love hurts. It's inevitable as the rising sun. They tell us protect yourself and don't fall into the snare unless your completely ready....resilient. But they didn't tell me it would be so easy. They didn't tell me your smile and kiss would make me melt. They didn't tell me the love was blind and I would always be able to see around every obstacle to you. And they wouldn't tell me it'd rips out my soul when your face disappeared. I loved you til it ached and now there is a permanent wound left open by your abandonment. With live nerves bleating your name.
My heart which surrenders to it's gradual disintergration. Can be found accepting it's fate. Can be found zombie-fied performing a blank daily routine. And everyone says that you're miserable too. Says if you're not made of pride and cowardice one day you'll come back. To tie up these loose ends. And that I will have moved to a new plain of existence. And will look down on your shadow in disgust. They say you wanted it just as much as me. But weren't willing to press forward like I was......Are too afraid. Too unsure. And I saw that in your eyes and in the things you wouldn't say. But I don't understand the words you wrote, when you said you wanted to stay. And I'm baffled by the things you gave me. That are lingering where your body is gone. And the words of reassurance that I still have like connected tattoos marking my every inch. They have grown into scabs creating unforgettable marks I can't ignore. With the vibrant colors screaming your name.